Think about it. How did you think marriage would be when you were growing up? Did it look anything like what you are experiencing? There are very few people that when honestly assessing their life, can say that everything turned out thus far like they dreamed.

Many people go into a marriage with an ideal in mind. After saying “I do” to him or her, life will be happily ever after. Long walks on a sunset beach, hand in hand, staring into each others eyes, and then making love in the morning with the cool breeze through the window and the birds singing in the trees… Blah, Blah, Blah. If you are married, you know full well that this fairy tale seldom, if ever occurs.

Many people also don’t go into a relationship having thought through worst case scenarios. What’s the worst that could happen in a marriage? Is it the prospect of divorce? Maybe. For me, the worst case scenario would be marital monotony. Settling for the same thing each and every day for as long as we both shall live. Where do I sign?

How do so many marriages end up ho-hum? I think the answer lies in this statement: people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty.

They choose to settle with their spouse. The idea becomes “well if this is as good as it’s going to get, ok,” or “they are never going to change so I might as well get used to it.” In this scenario, the only thing left to do is wait for death, which may be a long way off.

So what’s the secret to a lasting marriage? It’s simple, two people who choose to stay together. That’s it.

But what’s the secret to a passionate and adventurous marriage? Glad you asked.

At first guess, your answer may be love. The cynic Ambrose Bierce defines love as “a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.” The answer really lies in the realization that marriage is not about happiness, it’s about the two people becoming better humans.

Marriage done right is a people growing machine.

Marriage will test you, stretch you, and cause you to grow. This is inherit in every committed relationship. We want the best from them. They want the best from us.

Rather than making marriage more complicated than it has to be, here are 6 principles that are key to adding passion and energy to marriage.

1. Grow spiritually. Whether you believe in God or some other higher power, it’s safe to say that many people believe there is a spiritual nature around us. We are interconnected to the world. The spiritual nature of the world frees us from acting as the end-all-be-all. It’s not our responsibility to keep the world functioning. But I am connected to the world around me. To others around me.

To grow spiritually, I need to acknowledge this interconnectedness and seek to serve others. To love more. To give more of myself. Leo has previously addressed this idea: Love thy enemy, Live the Golden Rule, Help a fellow human being.

2. Learn to live complaint-free. The world around us is not as many would like it to be. Things don’t always go our way. It’s easy to react to life’s disappointments by complaining. The problem is, complaining doesn’t help the situation. It’s like sitting in a rocking chair. It’s comfortable, and you may even feel like you’re getting something done. But you don’t end up going anywhere. Try the 21-day complaint-free marriage experiment. Offer solutions to life’s problems rather than complain. Take action in life and marriage and you won’t have time to complain.

3. Live passionately. There’s countless ways to go about living passionately. Do the work you love. Give to a cause you care deeply about. Serve others. With so many ways to live with passion, there are still many of us who struggle to make it happen.

In order to discover your passion, grab a cup of coffee and a some paper. Spend a morning with these questions:

What excites me in life?
What stirs something deep in my soul?
What can I offer to others that no one else can?

Begin by writing down initial reactions in the form of lists, then work to narrow it down to the main ideas. There’s your passion. The next step is up to you. What keeps you from living from your passion?

4. Live simply. I don’t know if you’re like me, but one of the reasons I’m a daily visitor of Zen Habits is the practical tips for simplifying life. Enough said.

5. Have sex. While this may appear to be one of those no-brainer principles, you’d be surprised at the number of married couples that have trouble in this area. Now before you head off and have sex with someone other than your spouse, realize that research continues to say that the marital bed is still the hot bed of sex. However, every couple is not immune to difficulties in this area of the marriage.

Men and women are different when it comes to sex. I realize this is not groundbreaking news but it plays a major role. First, there are biological differences. Research shows that most men need about a second on average to be interested in and ready for sex. If you’re an older male, it may be 2 seconds. Women on the other hand, need about 20 minutes. When you add to this that research also shows the length of time sex actually lasts is 3 minutes, it’s no wonder there may be problems. 17 minutes after sex if over, the woman is ready.

Second, more than just an act, sex is a language. You communicate in many ways during sex. Likes, dislikes, love, passion, energy, fears, disappointments.

The best part, you can learn to be a better linguist (shameless plug: I’ve written many posts on this subject as well as other marriage topics at The Simple Marriage Project. Now off to class you go!

6. Live in community. Much like the first point, life is better when we live in community with others. Aligning yourself with others who have similar dreams and goals will produce a tremendous synergy. You can feed off each other. The same is true when it comes to couples. Seek out other couples with similar philosophies on life. Spend time with friends. Dream together. You will find that other people can be a great resource to challenge you to get more out of life.

We are relational beings. Things are better when shared with others.

That’s it. Did I miss anything? Care to add to the list or replace one of the principles?

When translated into reality, the old saying usually turns into “do what you love and find a way to make it popular and the money follows.” Or “sell your soul and the money follows.“

On the other side of the problem is that if you’re going to make a living doing what you love, you have to find a way to market yourself. Things that are catchy, marketable, and popular are often out of alignment with what you really want to do.

Let’s take the example of the musician. Say his name is Joe. Now, Joe wants to make a living off of his music. Luckily, Joe was born with a lot of creative talent, so he doesn’t have to work very hard at that. But he wasn’t born with the technical ability to play guitar. So, he has to learn how to play. He works hard. He practices scales, fingering, melody and rhythm. He knows that he’s not going to magically wake up one day and be gifted with the amazing ability to play Beethoven’s fifth. That’s why he practices 4 hours a day. He’s dedicated.

After a few years, Joe becomes a pretty incredible musician. He has a full album of songs ready to record. The only problem is Joe sees that his type of music isn’t the type of music that’s played on the radio. Far from it actually. He’s conflicted. So what does he do? He wants to make a living playing music, but he doesn’t want to compromise his integrity by writing songs that he knows will sell. He puts that thought on hold for a while and focuses on finding gigs. Since he’s worked so hard, he picks them up pretty easily. His music is starting to catch on and he’s building a modest following. But that question keeps egging him. If he wants to quit his day job and pursue music full time, he’s going to have to confront that aching question: to sell or not to sell? Should he go for the safe bet and aim for popularity, or should he stay true to himself and preserve his soul?

This is the question that every creative individual has had to face at some point or another. I’ve had to face this question many times and the truth is, it’s not easy. Remaining authentic while trying to market yourself is a tricky business. It doesn’t help that the type of marketing we see day in and day out on television, radio and print is usually downright sleazy or questionable, at best.

So is there such a thing as authentic marketing? Because we all know, your business isn’t going to sell itself. Even if you’re not in business for yourself, and you just want to actually enjoy what you do for a living, you have to find a way to market yourself. Is it possible to scrub out all the mental dirtiness marketing conjures up, and find a way to make it clean? Or at least authentic? I think so. And I’ll tell you how.

First of all, you have to drop the preconceived idea that selling yourself is evil. In a perfect world, you would create a product or service (whether that be being a musician, or otherwise) and it would sell itself. Customers would flock in and you would be scrambling to try to serve them all. In reality, this is far from the truth.

In the real world you have to give people a reason why they want what you have to offer. The art of marketing is effectively communicating in an interesting way, the reason they need what you have. Maybe you’re an authority if your field; maybe you’ve painstakingly studied your area of expertise. Maybe you know something “they” don’t, but need to know to solve their problem.  There are a lot of sleazy ways you can do this (special offer ends in 30 minutes for the first 7 inquiries, call now!) but there are also a lot of ways to do this that aren’t gimmicky and don’t make you feel like you’re selling yourself out to make a buck.

What I’ve come to realize, is by focusing on providing value to others, most of the marketing aspect takes care of itself. When you get too sucked into the marketing side of things, you end up becoming so focused on how to make something popular that the value suffers. In the same way, if you focus too much on the value side, you’ll lack having a clear plan of communicating that value to others (which is really all marketing is). You don’t have to kill your dreams.

If you can focus on providing massive value to other people and figure out an engaging way to communicate that value, everything else will take care of itself. You’ll still have to work hard, but you won’t have to worry about sacrificing your authenticity. And you won’t have to worry about selling your soul to do what you love.

I’ve learned that helping others (providing value) and increasing my knowledge and skills (increasing the ability to provide value) is the key to success.

When it comes to money, the best defense is a good offense. The best way to avoid fallout from the national economy is to take control of your personal economy. By developing smart financial habits, you can remain calm even in the midst of a financial crisis. (Well, mostly calm, anyhow.)

Over the past three years, I’ve written a lot about money. Based on my experience (and feedback from my readers), here are ten essential money skills that can help you to weather the current financial storm.

Set up a budget
For many people, budgets are boring. But if you can plan where your spending will go, you’ll make better decisions with your money.

I’m not a fan of detailed budgets. They work for many people (and if they work for you, by all means use one!), but for myself I need a simple budget, one that focuses on the Big Picture. Over the past three years, I’ve found three such budgets that my readers tell me are truly effective.

• Andrew Tobias suggests a simple three-step budget: Destroy all of your credit cards. Invest 20% of all that you earn (and never touch it). Live on the remaining 80%, no matter what.
• Elizabeth Warren’s balanced money formula is outstanding. It’s the budget I use. Allocate 20% of your after-tax income for savings (or debt reduction), 50% for needs, and the remaining 30% for wants.
• If you crave a little more complexity, try the 60% solution from Richard Jenkins at MSN Money. He says spend 20% of your pre-tax income on savings (half for retirement, half for long-term savings or debt), 60% to committed expenses, 10% to irregular expenses, and 10% for fun.

You can set up a budget on a piece of paper, or in a spreadsheet, or with a piece of software (PearBudget, for example).

[For more info: How to build a better budget]

Track your spending
This single action can work wonders for your finances. You can’t change your habits if you don’t know where the money goes. You can track your spending with a simple notebook, but most people find a computer makes things easier. You can create your own spreadsheets, or you can try a piece of personal finance software like Quicken.

There are two great ways to track your spending online: Wesabe and Mint. Both applications are great, and both offer versions for you mobile devices: Wesabe Mobile and Mint for iPhone.

[For more info: How to track your spending]

Check your credit report
It’s important to obtain a copy of your credit report at regular intervals. The credit reporting agencies are not infallible, and neither are your creditors. People make mistakes, and mistakes on your credit report can cost you money.

It used to be difficult to check your credit reports, but not anymore. In the U.S., the Fair Credit Reporting Act requires each of the nationwide consumer reporting companies — Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion — to provide you with a free copy of your credit report, at your request, once every 12 months. To meet this obligation, they created AnnualCreditReport.com.

There is never a need to go through any other agency to obtain your credit report. This is an official, government-approved site. There are three ways to obtain your credit report:

• Order it online at AnnualCreditReport.com.
• Call 1-877-322-8228.
• Complete the Annual Credit Report Request Form and mail it to: Annual Credit Report Request Service, P.O. Box 105281, Atlanta, GA 30348-5281.

If you’d like, you can obtain reports from all three credit reporting agencies at once. Or, you can stagger your requests, possibly requesting one report every four months from a different agency.

You will need to provide some basic information, including your social security number, and you may need to provide some personal financial information. If you plan to check your report online, be wary of impostor sites. Be absolutely certain that you have reached AnnualCreditReport.com.

[For more info: How to obtain your free credit report]

Stop junk mail
Junk mail isn’t just annoying — it can pose a danger to your financial health. Credit card applications are ripe for identity theft, and other junk mail simply tempts you to spend where you ought not spend. You save money and simplify your life by turning off the flow of junk mail at the source. Here are three ways to stem the tide:

• OptOutPrescreen.com looks like it might be a phishing site at first. It’s not. It’s an official site established by the Consumer Credit Reporting Industry to allow consumers to opt-in or opt-out of credit offers. When you complete your request, you can elect to either opt out of credit card offers for five years, or you can opt out forever.
• OptOutPrescreen.com will stop the credit card offers, but wouldn’t it be nice to stem the flood of other junk mail? You can at least put a finger in the dike by visiting the Direct Marketing Association’s Mail Preference Service, which allows consumers to to remove their names from the junk-mail lists.
• Though junk mail is annoying, it’s nothing compared to telemarketers. Fortunately, there’s an easy way to deal with them, too. The U.S. Federal Trade Commission manages the National Do-Not-Call Registry. Once you sign up, telemarketers are required by law to leave you alone. If they don’t, you can file a complaint.
• Though I’ve never used it, my readers at Get Rich Slowly often recommend Catalog Choice, which allows you to eliminate unwanted catalogs you receive by mail. This is a free service.

What if this all sounds like too much work? A service called GreenDimes will do take care of some this for you. According to the company’s FAQ, “GreenDimes reduces credit offers, insurance offers, sweepstakes offers, coupon mailers, charitable solicitations and retail catalogs that your household receives.”

[For more info: How to stop junk mail in its tracks]

Optimize your bank accounts
The internet has been a boon to savvy savers. It’s now easy to find an online savings account that offers convenience — and good interest rates. But in many cases, you can actually find better rates in special rewards checking accounts at small local credit unions and savings banks. (Some of these rates are currently as high as 6%!) If you’re happy with your current bank, call them and ask them to eliminate service fees or to give you better interest rates.

If you’re unhappy with your bank, find a new one. Here are a few popular online banks, all of which offer high interest rates and FDIC insurance:

• HSBC Direct
• E*TRADE Bank
• FNBO Direct

[For more info: Which online high-yield savings account is best?]

Open an investment account
Especially given the current economy, it may seem scary to open an investment account. I’m not going to advise you whether you should invest in stocks or bonds — or neither. I’m not a financial expert. I will say, however, that it’s best to begin investing as early as possible.

Opening an investment account isn’t as scary as it may sound. And because of the magic of compound returns, making regular small investments now will pay off huge in twenty or thirty years. Consider scheduling automatic investments: have $100 (or $50 or $25) automatically deposited into a Roth IRA or your employer’s 401(k).

To learn more about automatic investing, borrow David Bach’s The Automatic Millionaire from the public library.

[For more information: What is a Roth IRA and why should you care?]

Call around for better deals
What are you paying for your credit card? Your cable? Your cell phone? You can probably find better deals elsewhere. Do some research. Did DirecTV just mail you a great offer? Did you get a zero-precent credit card mailer? Use this information as ammunition. Call your current service providers and ask if they can meet or beat the deals from their competitors. They may not, but it never hurts to ask. (My readers report about a 50-50 success rate with this tactic.)

If you want to play hardball, threaten to close your account. This is often very effective, but you have to be prepared to actually follow through with your threat. An hour or two spent calling utilities and credit card companies can free up cash now.

[For more information: Want to save money? Just ask!]

Educate yourself
Visit your public library and borrow one (and only one) personal finance book. (If you borrow more, you’re less likely to read any of them.) Take this book home and begin reading it. Which book should you choose? Any of the following are excellent starting points:

• Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin
• The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
• The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas Stanley and William Danko
• The Only Investment Guide You’ll Ever Need by Andrew Tobias
• The Wealthy Barber by David Chilton

Once you’ve finished your first personal finance book, you’ll have a better idea of the topics that interest you. Return it and check out one (and only one) new personal finance book. The public library is a fantastic resource for saving money.

[For more information: 25 of the best personal finance books]

Set financial goals
Goals are the fundamental building blocks of success, not just in personal finance, but in every area of life. Without goals, you are living reactively, letting life push you around. With goals, you can live a proactive life, steering toward a destination. When you have an end in mind, it’s easier to see when you’ve made a wrong turn. You know where your path is supposed to lead.

Here’s an excellent set of basic financial goals that you can build upon:

• Establish a $1000 emergency fund.
• Pay off credit card debt.
• Fully fund a Roth IRA each year.
• Save for major expenses: house, marriage, car, etc.

No matter the state of your personal finances, whether you’re wealthy or poor or somewhere in between, take time to set goals. State them in positive terms. Make them specific. Put a deadline on achieving them. Make them actionable. Write them down. Work a little toward them every day. (It’s much easier to achieve goals when you focus on the individual steps toward them.)

[For more information: The road to wealth is paved with goals]

Create a money file
The final This can be an actual file, or it can be a shoebox. It can even be an encrypted file on your hard drive. It simply needs to be an easy-to-access location in which you keep all of your important financial information, including account numbers, service providers, phone numbers, etc. This final step ties together all the work you’ve done on Money Day.

[For more information: Which financial records to keep (and how long to keep them)]

And while it’s great to cut out little things, such as lattes and Gucci bags, what most people need are big savings. You know, thousands of dollars in savings, not $50 a month.

But you can’t slash your budget for items such as food, gas and utilities — while you can save some money in these areas, the savings are usually pretty small compared to some of the items below. So I’ve compiled a list of ways you can make big changes, at least for a little while — and who knows, maybe over the long term.

There will be some objections — from people who don’t think they can change their lives this much, or who don’t want to. That’s fine — I’m not saying these changes are for everyone. But I really do think we can live with less, and with the right mindset, you can find happiness right now, without needing to spend money. That’s the key — finding contentment while living with less.

1. Move to a smaller home. For many people, housing is the biggest expense in their budget. Thus it represents the biggest opportunity to save — if you live in a smaller, less costly home, you can save a lot of money in one fell swoop. Obviously this isn’t a change you can implement overnight, but it’s worth keeping your eye open for an opportunity to make the change. Start looking around for smaller homes, especially ones that are closer to the places you need to go, such as work, the grocery store, etc., so you can save on transportation costs as well. If you get rid of a lot of excess stuff, you don’t need as much space (see my decluttering tips: 1, 2, 3, 4). This change alone can save thousands each year.

2. Sell a car. If you have two (or more) vehicles, consider selling one of them to save money. Often we can get away with one vehicle if we carefully arrange our schedules. My wife and I (and our six kids) did this, and we are able to survive with one van. Sure, sometimes it would be cool to have two cars, but it’s not a necessity. Btw, we did this even when we were both working and all six kids had school, daycare, soccer practice and games, music lessons, and so on. Take any cash you get from selling your car and use it to pay off some of the loan for the car you keep — or use it to pay off higher interest debt.

3. Get a smaller, used car. Whether you already have only one car, or you decide you absolutely need two or more vehicles, you can downgrade your car so that it costs less. Sell your car, and look for a smaller, used model that runs well (preferably only 2-3 years old) and costs less than the one you own now. Again, potential savings of thousands each year.

4. Stop paying interest. Some people pay thousands of dollars in interest every year. I’m happy to say that I now pay zero in interest, after becoming debt-free last year. That’s not always possible for everyone, but this is a very big potential savings for most of us. The key is to stop getting into new debt, and to pay off your old debt as quickly as possible. Paying off my credit cards was the priority, but we also paid off our car loans and bought our last two vehicles on cash. Again, this is not for everyone, but I highly recommend it for those who can manage it.

5. Stop buying unnecessary items. This is a toughie, but if you’re really serious about saving, you’ll at least consider it. Try tracking your spending for a month, and next to each expense item mark the ones that are pure necessities: groceries, gas, utility bills, medicine, doctor’s visits, etc. The rest are unnecessary — clothes and shoes you didn’t really need, electronics, magazines, gourmet coffee, etc. If you stopped buying these things, at least for a little while, you’ll notice a pretty sizable savings.

6. Stop traveling. If you travel several times a year, or even just once a year, you could save thousands by not traveling. Before last year, I didn’t travel for 7 years, and it didn’t hurt me one bit. You can relax and take a break from work without having to leave home, if you learn to enjoy yourself from where you are. I’m not saying you should never travel again, but if income is dropping, you might consider a moratorium for a year or two. Each trip can cost thousands, depending on how far and long you travel, so this is a huge potential savings for some people.

7. Slash entertaining/entertainment. Many people do a lot of entertaining — parties with friends, family or co-workers — and those expenses can really add up. Stop entertaining so much, or at least save money by making them potluck or during non-meal times when you can get away with serving appetizers. Similarly, if you spend a lot of money going out to entertainment — movies, theater, dining out, drinking, clubbing, etc. — you can curb this habit and save a lot of money. Learn that you don’t need to spend money to have fun!

8. Cut out all subscriptions. Each little subscription you have is a small-ticket item — a magazine subscription could be $15-25 a year, for example, and subscribing to an online service might only be $5-20 a month. But if you subscribe to 3 magazines, and 4 online services, and cut out one of your cell phone plans or cable TV subscription (if you don’t need one of those services), you could save $1,000 a year. Some people have even more subscriptions and can save thousands. Not much compared to some of the items above, but worth considering.

Look for little, inexpensive ways to be romantic, and it will pay off for your relationship in innumerable ways.

Why inexpensive? Well, you could rent a limo and take your love to a snooty French restaurant, or whisk him or her off to a trip to the snow-capped Alps, or rent a stadium and have the Three Tenors sing love songs for you while the New York Philharmonic plays in the background. I don’t know about you, but I can’t afford to do that kind of stuff more than a few times a month. The rest of the time, I have to resort to cheaposity.

Before we get into the list, let’s look at a few notes on how to use the list:

1. Weekly dates. I recommend you have a date at least once a week with your partner. It doesn’t have to be an expensive one, but at least find some way to spend a couple hours time together. If you’ve got kids, like I do, find a babysitter.
2. Communicate. Romantic gestures don’t take the place of real communication. Take time to talk about your goals, your dreams, your plans for the future, your current lives, things you’re happy about, things you love about the other person, things you’d like to work on, things you’re grateful for.
3. Inspiration. This list contains a lot of obvious stuff — you could probably come up with twice as many good ideas yourself. But the list doesn’t aim for originality — it aims to be an inspiration. Pick and choose some good ideas, or use it to spark some of your own. Sometimes we just need a little reminder.
4. Forget Valentines. Boycott Valentine’s Day, as it makes people think they should be romantic on special occasions. Instead, pick one of these ideas and do it any day of the week — no need for a special occasion.

OK, enough talk. Let’s look at some ways to be romantic without breaking your budget (note to my mom: don’t read this, as there are a couple of sexy-time things later on):

1. Write a poem.
2. Cook a romantic dinner.
3. Give a full-body massage.
4. Pack a sunset picnic.
5. Pick wildflowers on the way home.
6. Burn a CD with love songs.
7. Give dark chocolates.
8. Read poetry together.
9. Prepare strawberries with fondue chocolate.
10. Snuggle together on a rainy day.
11. Leave little love notes everywhere.
12. Send a love email every day.
13. Take a moonlit walk on the beach.
14. Snuggle together while watching romantic movies (Casablanca, Audrey Hepburn are my favs).
15. Get good wine, watch shooting stars.
16. Take a bath together (use bubbles!).
17. Bring home good coffee or a decadent sweet.
18. Take a walk down memory lane — visit some of the special places from your early days of dating.
19. Make warm chocolate cake for dessert.
20. Make a scrapbook with photos, mementos, and little notes from you lives together.
21. Kiss in the rain.
22. Ride a ferris wheel.
23. Sneak away from a party and make out.
24. Bring home great take-out, and light some candles.
25. Fix something or fix up the house just to make your partner happy.
26. Slow dance to romantic music.
27. Take a nap together.
28. Kiss slowly, touching his or her back and neck and nape — slowly.
29. Make a list of everything you love about him or her.
30. Write a love letter.
31. Clip or email things that make you think of him or her, every day.
32. Go to a movie, ignore the movie, and make out like teen-agers.
33. Groom yourself, and try to look good for your partner.
34. Take some quiet time and talk about your day.
35. Write little notes, one for each way he or she drives you crazy.
36. Feed each other grapes.
37. Recreate your partner’s favorite romantic movie scene.
38. Pretend you’re going on a first date — show up at the door with flowers, all dressed up, with your car washed and cleaned, looking spiffy. Recreate the first time.
39. Create a little box with a bunch of your partner’s favorite things inside.
40. Paint each other with flavored body paint. Be creative!
41. Try some sexy role-playing. Get dressed up, be daring, have fun.
42. Give a little token to your partner to wear, and say it’s to remind him or her all day that you love them.
43. Sing a favorite song to him or her. Only do this if you can sing fairly well.
44. Have dinner on the roof, with some candles. This doesn’t work if your roof slopes sharply.
45. Hold hands, and walk somewhere with lots of pretty lights.
46. Say I love you. In a different way, every day.
47. Blindfold your partner. Use a feather. Slowly.
48. Declare your love, very publicly.
49. Fruit or berries and freshly made whipped cream.
50. Play Sade. Do what comes naturally. Slowly.

“Whatever the tasks, do them slowly
with ease,
in mindfulness,
so not do any tasks with the goal
of getting them over with.
Resolve to each job in a relaxed way,
with all your attention.”

- Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master

In our daily lives, we often rush through tasks, trying to get them done, trying to finish as much as we can each day, speeding along in our cars to our next destination, rushing to do what we need to do there, and then leaving so that we can speed to our next destination.

Unfortunately, it’s often not until we get to our final destination that we realize what madness this all is.

At the end of the day, we’re often exhausted and stressed out from the grind and the chaos and the busy-ness of the day. We don’t have time for what’s important to us, for what we really want to be doing, for spending time with loved ones, for doing things we’re passionate about.

And yet, it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s possible to live a simpler life, one where you enjoy each activity, where you are present in everything (or most things) you do, where you are content rather than rushing to finish things.

If that appeals to you, let’s take a look at some suggestions for living a simple, peaceful, content life:

1. What’s important. First, take a step back and think about what’s important to you. What do you really want to be doing, who do you want to spend your time with, what do you want to accomplish with your work? Make a short list of 4-5 things for your life, 4-5 people you want to spend time with, 4-5 things you’d like to accomplish at work.
2. Examine your commitments. A big part of the problem is that our lives are way too full. We can’t possibly do everything we have committed to doing, and we certainly can’t enjoy it if we’re trying to do everything. Accept that you can’t do everything, know that you want to do what’s important to you, and try to eliminate the commitments that aren’t as important. See this article for more.
3. Do less each day. Don’t fill your day up with things to do. You will end up rushing to do them all. If you normally try (and fail) to do 7-10 things, do 3 important ones instead (with 3 more smaller items to do if you get those three done). This will give you time to do what you need to do, and not rush.
4. Leave space between tasks or appointments. Another mistake is trying to schedule things back-to-back. This leaves no cushion in case things take longer than we planned (which they always do), and it also gives us a feeling of being rushed and stressed throughout the day. Instead, leave a good-sized gap between your appointments or tasks, allowing you to focus more on each one, and have a transition time between them.
5. Eliminate as much as possible from your to-do list. You can’t do everything on your to-do list. Even if you could, more things will come up. As much as you can, simplify your to-do list down to the essentials. This allows you to rush less and focus more on what’s important. See this article for more.
6. Now, slow down and enjoy every task. This is the most important tip in this article. Read it twice. Whatever you’re doing, whether it’s a work task or taking a shower or brushing your teeth or cooking dinner or driving to work, slow down. Try to enjoy whatever you’re doing. Try to pay attention, instead of thinking about other things. Be in the moment. This isn’t easy, as you will often forget. But find a way to remind yourself. Unless the task involves actual pain, there isn’t anything that can’t be enjoyable if you give it the proper attention.
7. Single-task. This is kind of a mantra of mine, as I talk about how to single-task all the time. But it’s an important point for me, and for this article. Do one thing at a time, and do it well.
8. Eat slower. This is just a more specific application of Tip #6, but it’s something we do every day, so it deserves special attention. See this article for more.
9. Drive slower. Another application of the same principle, driving is something we do that’s often mindless and rushed. Instead, slow down and enjoy the journey. See this article for more.
10. Eliminate stress. Find the stressors in your life, and find ways to eliminate them. See this article for more.
11. How and why to slow down. This is such an important point, that I’m going to point you to two other articles on this: here and here.
12. Create time for solitude. In addition to slowing down and enjoying the tasks we do, and doing less of them, it’s also important to just have some time to yourself. Read this article for more.
13. Do nothing. Sometimes, it’s good to forget about doing things, and do nothing. Here’s more.
14. Sprinkle simple pleasures throughout your day. Knowing what your simple pleasures are, and putting a few of them in each day, can go a long way to making life more enjoyable. Here’s a list of 75 simple pleasures.
15. Practice being present. You can practice being in the moment at any time during the day. Here’s how.
16. Find inspirations. Learn from the best. Here are 5 inspirations for being in the moment.
17. Make frugality an enjoyable thing too. Instead of delayed gratification, try enjoying life now while saving for later.

But you don’t have to simplify it all at once. Do one thing at a time, and take small steps. You’ll get there, and have fun doing it.

In fact, you can do little but important things today to start living the simple life.

And these are not 10 difficult things, but 10 simple things that you can do today. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month. Today. Choose one and do it today. Tomorrow, choose another.

If you do these 10 things, you’ll have made great strides with little effort.

1. Make a short list. Take out a sheet of paper and fold it into a small square, perhaps 3×5 inches. Or take out an index card. Now make a short list of the 4-5 most important things in your life. What’s most important to you? What do you value most? What 4-5 things do you most want to do in your life? Simplifying starts with these priorities, as you are trying to make room in your life so you have more time for these things.

2. Drop 1 commitment. Think about all the things in your life that you’re committed to doing, and try to find one that you dread doing. Something that takes up time but doesn’t give you much value. Perhaps you’re on a team, or coaching something, or on a board or committee, or whatever. Something that you do each day or week or month that you don’t really want to do. Now take action today to drop that commitment. Call someone, send an email, telling the appropriate person or people that you just don’t have the time. You will feel relief. I’d recommend dropping all commitments that don’t contribute to your short list (from Item #1), but for today, just drop 1 commitment.

3. Purge a drawer. Or a shelf, or a countertop, or a corner of a room. Not an entire room or even an entire closet. Just one small area. You can use that small area as your base of simplicity, and then expand from there. Here’s how to purge: 1) empty everything from the drawer or shelf or corner into a pile. 2) From this pile, pick out only the most important things, the stuff you use and love. 3) Get rid of the rest. Right now. Trash it, or put it in your car to give away or donate. 4) Put the stuff you love and use back, in a neat and orderly manner.

4. Set limits. Read Haiku Productivity for more. Basically, you set limits for things you do regularly: email, RSS posts, tasks, feeds, items in your life, etc. And try to stick with the limits. Today, all you have to do is set limits for a few things in your life. Tomorrow, try to stick with them.

5. Simplify your to-do list. Take a look at your to-do list. If it’s more than 10 items long, you can probably simplify it a bit. Try to find at least a few items that can be eliminated, delegated, automated, outsourced, or ignored. Shorten the list. This is a good habit to do once a week.

6. Free up time. Simplifying your life in general is a way to free up time to do the stuff you want to do. Unfortunately, it can be hard to find time to even think about how to simplify your life. If that’s the case, free up at least 30 minutes a day for thinking about simplifying. Or alternatively, free up a weekend and think about it then. How can you free up 30 minutes a day? Just a few ideas: wake earlier, watch less TV, eat lunch at your desk, take a walk for lunch, disconnect from the Internet, do email only once today, shut off your phones, do 1 less thing each day.

7. Clear your desk. I can personally attest to the amazing feeling that a clean desk can give you. It’s such a simple thing to do, and yet it does so much for you. If your desk is covered with papers and notes and gadgets and office supplies, you might not be able to get this done today. But here are the basic steps: 1) Clear everything off your desk and put it in a pile (either in your inbox or on the floor). 2) Process the pile from top to bottom, one item at a time. Do not defer decisions on any item — deal with them immediately and quickly. 3) For each item, either file it immediately, route it to someone else, trash it, or note it on your to-do list (and put it in an “action” folder). If it’s a gadget or office supply, find a place for it in your desk drawers (or get rid of it). 4) Repeat until your pile is empty and your desk is clear. Be sure to get rid of any knick knacks. Your desk should have your computer, your inbox, perhaps a notepad, and maybe a family photo (but not many). Ahh, a clear desk! 5) From now on, put everything in your inbox, and at least once a day, process it in the same way as above.

8. Clear out your email inbox. This has the same psychological effect as a clear desk. Is your email inbox always full of read and unread messages? That’s because you’re delaying decisions on your emails. If you have 50, let’s say, or fewer emails in your inbox, you can process them all today. If you have hundreds, you should put them in a temporary folder and get to them one chunk at a time (do 20 per day or something). Here’s how you process your inbox to empty — including emails already in your inbox, and all future incoming emails: 1) process them top to bottom, one at a time, deciding and disposing of each one immediately. 2) Your choices are to delete, archive, respond immediately (and archive or delete), forward (and archive or delete), or mark it with a star (or something like that) and note it on your to-do list to respond to later (and archive). 3) Process each email like that until the inbox is empty. 4) Each time you check your email, process to empty. Ahh, an empty inbox!

9. Move slower. We rush through the day, from one task to another, from one appointment to another, until we collapse on the couch, exhausted, at the end of the day. Instead, simplify your life by doing less (see Items 1, 4 and 5) and doing them more slowly. Eat slower, drive slower, walk slower, shower slower, work slower. Be more deliberate. Be present. This isn’t something you’re going to master today, but you can start practicing today.

10. Single-task. Instead of multi-tasking, do one thing at a time. Remove all distractions, resist any urge to check email or do some other habitual task like that while you’re doing the task at hand. Stick to that one task, until you’re done. It’ll make a huge difference in both your stress level and your productivity.

One recent visitor saw my kitchen and remarked, “I’ve never seen a kitchen that looked so clean, so clear of stuff!” Well, I do my best to keep it clean, but the key is to remove the unnecessary stuff.

For example, on the floor of my kitchen/dining room area are just a few essentials: dining table (clear of any clutter), chairs, some counter stools, a high chair, a step stool for the kids. On the counters are only the toaster, coffee maker and microwave.

Is this kind of minimalist home devoid of character and fun and life? Some might think so, but I get a strange satisfaction, a fulfillment, at looking around and seeing a home free of clutter. It’s calming, and liberating, and just nice.

Benefits of a Minimalist Home
I could probably go on for awhile about this, but let me just list a few key benefits:

1. Less stressful. Clutter is a form of visual distraction, and everything in our vision pulls at our attention at least a little. The less clutter, the less visual stress we have. A minimalist home is calming.
2. More appealing. Think about photos of homes that are cluttered, and photos of minimalist homes. The ones with almost nothing in them except some beautiful furniture, some nice artwork, and a very few pretty decorations, are the ones that appeal to most of us. You can make your home more appealing by making it more minimalist.
3. Easier to clean. It’s hard to clean a whole bunch of objects, or to sweep or vacuum around a bunch of furniture. The more stuff you have, the more you have to keep clean, and the more complicated it is to clean around the stuff. Think about how easy it is to clean an empty room compared to one with 50 objects in it. That’s an extreme example, of course, as I wouldn’t recommend you have an empty room, but it’s just to illustrate the difference.

What a Minimalist Home Looks Like
This would vary, of course, depending on your taste and how extreme of a minimalist you want to be. I am a minimalist, but not to any extreme. But here are some characteristics of a minimalist home:

• Minimal furniture. A minimalist room would only contain a few essential pieces of furniture. A living room, for example, might only have a couch, another chair or love seat, a coffee table, a minimalist entertainment stand (not a huge one with a bunch of shelves), a television, and a couple of lamps. It could even contain less (couch, chairs, and coffee table, for example). A bedroom might have a simple bed (or even just a mattress), a dresser, and perhaps a night stand or book shelf.
• Clear surfaces. In a minimalist home, flat surfaces are clear, except for one or two decorations (see next item). There are not a whole bunch of knick knacks, and definitely not stacks of books or papers or other items.
• Accent decorations. A home completely clear of things would be a bit boring, actually. So instead of having a coffee table completely free of any objects, you could have a simple vase with a few flowers, for example. Or a clear desk might just have a family photo. An otherwise empty wall might have a tasteful piece of art (I use my dad’s artwork, as he’s a great artist).
• Quality over quantity. Instead of having a lot of stuff in your home, a minimalist would choose just a few really good things he loves and uses often. A really nice table, for example, is better than 5 pieces of press-board furniture.
• Examples. The photo at the top of this post is a nice example of a minimalist home (it’s not my home, but I wish it were). See more photos of that lovely home. Traditional-style Japanese homes are another great example of minimalism, as is this nice spread.

How to Create a Minimalist Home
There are actually no set steps to making your home minimalist, except to change your philosophy and shoot for the ideals in the previous section above. But here are some tips that I would offer to anyone trying to shoot for minimalism:

1. One room at a time. Unless you’re just moving into a place, it’s hard to simplify an entire house at once. Focus on one room, and let that be your center of calm. Use it to inspire you to simplify the next room, and the next. Then do the same outside!
2. Start with furniture. The biggest things in any room are the furniture, so you should always begin simplifying a room by looking at the furniture. The fewer pieces of furniture, the better (within reason, of course). Think of which furniture can be eliminated without sacrificing comfort and livability. Go for a few pieces of plain, simple furniture (example of a minimalist coffee table) with solid, subdued colors.
3. Only the essentials. Whether looking at your furniture or anything else in the room, ask yourself if the item is truly essential. If you can live without it, get it out. Try to strip the room down to its essentials — you can always add a few choice items beyond the essentials later.
4. Clear floors. Except for the furniture, your floors should be completely clear. Nothing should clutter the floor, nothing should be stacked, nothing should be stored on the floor. Once you’ve gotten your furniture down to the bare essentials, clear everything else on the floor — either donate it, trash it, or find a place for it out of sight.
5. Clear surfaces. Same thing with all flat surfaces. Don’t have anything on them, except one or two simple decorations (See Tip 9 below). Donate, trash or find an out-of-sight storage spot for everything else. It will make everything much, much more minimal-looking.
6. Clear walls. Some people hang all kinds of stuff on their walls. No can do in a minimalist home. Clear your walls except for one or two simple pieces of nice artwork (see Tip 8 below).
7. Store stuff out of sight. This has been mentioned in the above tips, but you should store everything you need out of sight, in drawers and cabinets. Bookshelves can be used to store books or DVDs or CDs, but shouldn’t have much else except a few simple decorations (not whole collections of things).
8. Declutter. If you are clearing flat surfaces and the floor, and storing stuff in cabinets and drawers, you’ll probably want to declutter your storage areas too. You can do this in a later stage if you want. See How to Declutter for more.
9. Simple artwork. To keep a room from being boring, you can put a simple painting, drawing or photo, framed with a subdued, solid color, on each wall if you want. Leave some walls bare if possible.
10. Simple decorations. As mentioned in the above tips, one or two simple decorations can serve as accents for a minimalist room. A vase of flowers or a small potted plant are two classic examples. If the rest of your room has subdued colors, your accents could use a bright color (such as red, or yellow) to draw the eye and give a plain room a splash of energy.
11. Plain window treatments. Bare windows, or simple, solid colored curtains, or simple, wooden blinds are good. Too much ornate stuff around the windows is clutter.
12. Plain patterns. Solid colors are best for floor coverings (if you have any), furniture, etc. Complex patterns, such as flowers or checkers, are visual clutter.
13. Subdued colors. As mentioned in Tip 9 above, you can have a splash of bright color in the room, but most of the room should be more subtle colors – white is classic minimalist, but really any solid colors that don’t stress the eyes is good (earth colors come to mind, such as blues, browns, tans, greens).
14. Edit and eliminate. When you’ve simplified a room, you can probably do more. Give it a couple of days, then look at everything with a fresh eye. What can be eliminated? Stored out of sight? What’s not essential? You can come back to each room every few months, and sometimes you’ll discover things you can simplify even more.
15. Place for everything. I’ve discussed this in other posts, but in a minimalist house, it’s important that you find a place for everything, and remember where those places are. Where does you blender go? Give it a spot, and stick with it. Aim for logical spots that are close to where the thing is used, to make things more efficient, but the key is to designate a spot.
16. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. Once you’ve simplified a room, take a moment to look around and enjoy it. It’s so peaceful and satisfying. This is the reward for your hard work. Ahhhh. So nice!